You probably detest it when you’re in the middle of anything and suddenly the phone rings and a telemarketer is attempting to sell you a number of unnecessary items. Because these folks are typically quite forceful and won’t accept no, this can occasionally be frustrating.
One man developed a brilliant strategy for dealing with the matter after growing tired of these bothersome calls.
Tom Mabe: “Hi?”
“Yes, may I talk to Tom Mabe?” said the telemarketer.
Mabe Tom: “Who’s calling?”
“This is Mike,” said the telemarketer. You have been chosen to get a complimentary full digital satellite system. You will do the following using this:
Tom Mabe: “I have a question for you. Was Tom Mabe someone you knew? Were you one of his friends?
Mike: “No, I’m not. I’m merely calling to make an offer.
Tom Mabe: “Hold on a minute, hold that thought!” (to the other people in the room: Hey folks! Take excellent photos of the physique. In order to get prints, dust everything.) Are you there, Mike?
Mike: “-Yeah.”
Tom Mabe: “All right, let me give you an update. In fact, you’ve called a murder scene. We no longer have Mr. Mabe with us. I’m Officer Clarke, and I’m looking into a homicide. I have a number of questions for you. First of all, what kind of business did you have with Tom Mabe?
Mike: “II had nothing to do with him. I apologize for bothering you.
Mabe, Tom: No, no, hold on, I’ll ask you to continue talking on the phone. We have already tracked down this call, and we might
“No, you don’t understand,” said Tom Mabe. Mike, you have to keep your @$$ on the phone unless you want to be accused of Obstruction of Justice.
Mike: “Why don’t you just speak with my boss?”
Tom Mabe: “No, we’ll speak with your manager shortly. Let me know where you are first.
Mike: “I’m working.”
“You’re at work?” said Tom Mabe.
Mike: “Yes.”
“You bein’ a smart @$$?” said Tom Mabe.
Mike: “No, sir—”
Tom Mabe: “Mike, let me explain it to you. Let’s say I want to send a letter to your @$$. In order for the mailman to deliver the envelope directly to your @$$, what would I need to write on the outside? Where is the work, Mike, geographically?
Mike: “Middleton, Colorado, 40 West (beep).”
Mike: “Yes, sir.”
Tom Mabe: “Michael, please wait a moment.”
Mike: “Yes, sir.”
Tom Mabe: “Get the Middleton Homicide Department on the phone.” (off phone to cops). Yes, let them know about this. Inform them that there has been a conversation regarding a deadly gunshot and an aggravated robbery. “Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again?” (over the phone)
“You’re calling the Middleton Police Department?” Mike said. Hundreds of miles separate us! “I’m in Colorado, and I don’t even know the guy!”
“No, no, it’s not that scary, that’s just a formality,” said Tom Mabe. Have you visited where he lives?”
Mike: “No!”
Tom Mabe: “All right, then tell me once more where you were from eight to ten last night.”
Mike: “I’m not
Tom: “Mike, have you ever had a conversation with Mr. Mabe?”
Mike: “No, I’ve been trying to tell you that I don’t even know the guy!”
Tom Mabe: “All right, excellent, just relax, wait, take a look, just get back up. Mike, I have one more question for you. Mr. Mabe was undoubtedly a flaming homosexual, as you are well aware. And asking this is not a simple task. I don’t want to make you feel ashamed or anything. However, were you his homosexual lover?
Mike: What? No! What on earth is that inquiry about?
Mabe, Tom: Look, it’s okay if you’re a gay person. There are still many LGBT folks in the closet, as far as I’m aware. Not that I haven’t considered it myself.